Point #1: Bicentennial Baby

The ABC television network aired its first signal in 1948. ABC was not number one in the Nielsen ratings for one year in the '60's, when the ratings were first used.

ABC's first #1 season was 1976-1977. The year I was fucking born.

I mean, if someone were to make my whole life a television show, they would have to start from my date of birth of course (if you don't know by now, it's 2/6/1976, shitdick). Wouldn't that be a unique, historic, cloyingly sentimental series premiere - the birth of a child?

This alone does not rend the fabric of my reality. But it is quite a clincher for my argument -- that I know my whole life is being broadcast on ABC behind my back.



And while we're on the topic, wasn't 1976 the year of the Bicentennial? If some exec whose cartilage was perforated from coke wanted to tape somebody's life without that person knowing from birth to age thirty, wouldn't he have gotten the greenlight if the show chronicled the first thirty years of a person born on the year of the Bicentennial to immigrant parents? Hell, I think that's the name of my show: "An American Life".


You scoff now, but come May 23rd, we'll see who's season finale is "gripping."






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