Point #6: Disneyfication

Remember that episode back in season 21 (1996) when Mike, Jim, Rich and I first took the train together from Levittown to New York City? The first time I went into Manhattan without Mom and Andy? I sure do.You might not know this, but it was the first time I went into a peep show.
I saw the blue awning emblazoned with big white letters on 42nd street:

FREE STRIPPERS!

I slowed down and told Jim and Rich to wait up for me (I don't know where Mike was). Booking up the stairs, I saw the girls standing over the peep show booths,...,
It wasn't the last time I lost all my crisp bills in one night. The more I frequented the red light district, the more Disney plays and stores I passed.

"In June 1997, Disney organized a thirty-float electrical parade through the heart of Times Square to promote its animated film Hercules. The parade ran down 42nd Street past the new Disney Store, just months after the block's last porn shops were closed by the city as part of Disney's conditions for moving in. The New York Times reported on the "Disneyfication" of the area in an editorial announcing "42nd Street Becomes Main Street USA.": The Nation, October 18, 1999 issue






Uncle Walt's frozen head now loomed over New York - the state I lived in. The few peep shows that were left had closed windows that prevented access to the girls. No matter how crisp the dollar was, the window wouldn't open. Thanks to Disney, I had to wait until I was 21 to lose my virginity.
Less than a year after I start frequenting adult entertainment palaces, Disney and Guliani decide to drive the smut peddlers from 42nd street. My parents weren't going in to the city with me anymore - who else would watch me? Disney took it upon themselves to drive the porn shops out and make my visits to the city wholesome. Even if I found the rare porn shop in Time Square, all the cameramen had to do was stop taping for the duration of my visit to the booth and shoot me smoking a cigarette pensively past a marquee for "The Lion King."
It's one thing for ABC to surreptitiously tape my life - it's another thing for them to covertly meddle with my adult entertainment in my state. Perhaps this is why I don't get too much action. I mean, c'mon, you've seen me - I'm gorgeous. Maybe I'm a little chubby, but I'm no Dom DeLuise.
The Disneyfication of Time Square. The town owned by Disney. The TGIF propaganda. The Drummonds moving to ABC when I move from my old apartment with my family. The Schoolhouse Rock Renaissance. The conditioned responses that "Charlie's Angels" elicited. The year of my birth being the first year that ABC is #1 in the ratings. All this wasn't enought to convince me that my life was on one big soundstage. But nine additional intersections between ABC's history and my development would open the curtains for me - even if the windows were closed.

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